A Breath of Fresh Air: My innocence ran away, and climbed onto the highest branch on the tallest tree

Sunday, June 28, 2009

My innocence ran away, and climbed onto the highest branch on the tallest tree

I've never been like the other kids on the playground. I always knew what was expected of me as an 8 year old, what can I say and do that would classify me as normal? I didn't want to climb on the jungle gym, but I did anyway. I wanted to fit into the mold, never to do anything that would make me seem older and reveal my advanced thoughts on everything. I observed and understood. Everyone would eventually worry because they saw I seriously didn't give a shit about the stuff normal kids should care about. I found them good to laugh at, those freaky little psychology people. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I spoke up instead of fit in, my childhood was completely lost in lies. My childhood is way past over, its been over for a long time now. I want my innocence back, but Its already out of grasp.

Everything feels wrong. Or maybe it feels new and I'm mistaking it for wrong.

School is over. Camp starts on Monday, maybe that'll snap everything in place. Maybe not.
Michael Jackson is gone. His death is like a new chapter, for everyone. He symbolized everything America, from the good and bad. Lost opportunities and the importance of family, everything in between and everything outside the between.
Mom was stretched to her last nerve, she finally gave in, and said if I really wanted I could live with my dad. I don't know If I really want to live with him, as much as I begged and pleaded I never really thought it would really happen. Now it has. I don't want to move away from Lolo, or see my mom so sad. No, I've never got along with her, but shes my mom. She's put up with my crap for this long, that deserves an award right there. I'm a bit scared for her and Alex.
On top of all that, my overactive imagination is making everything worse.

more l8r I'm tired

5 comments:

Strawberry Shortcake said...: Haha, 'sokay.
WHERE DID YOU MEET A HOT BUSINESSMAN? DOES HE HAVE A SON?
Haha.; June 28, 2009 at 5:51 AM
Nat said...: haha he couldnt have been older than 25, so probably not.; June 28, 2009 at 10:28 AM
Strawberry said...: Aww.
By the way, I know how ya feel with the whole innocence-lost thing. I've always felt older than I was, different from everyone else. 'Sokay! I'm here for ya! :); June 28, 2009 at 11:52 AM
lolo said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; June 28, 2009 at 12:27 PM
lolo said...: ooops made a mistake on last comment. I had a dream about saving Michael Jackson; June 28, 2009 at 12:28 PM

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Encyclopedia

Family Alex- my sister. She's blond, and tall and the opposite of me. I'm way cooler than her. Dad- stay with him Tuesday and Thursday night and every other weekend. Mother- Stay with her all the other days. She has issues she should have sorted out before she decided to have children.
Almost Family Lolo- She is a little bit creepy, as in she talks to inanimate objects, yet I've been friends with her since first grade. She very much embarrasses me. I don’t sit next to her in lunch. She’s practically my sister though. I mean, by dad drives her to Boats gymnastics tournaments. She lives down the street from my mom, on the same bus and both take French. It’s hard not to see a lot of her. Boat- Lolo’s sister. She’s a tiny little 10 year old with corkskrew curls and freckles. Kira- Alex’s best friend who is obsessed with pokemon and her cats. She has like 20 cats. I can’t stay at her house for long periods of time because I’m allergic.
The Bus Stop Suprya- Very tall, she sticks gum in between the side walk pannels and spits on her old gum as she walks by every morning. A grade younger Gianna- Also a year younger. Shes Hispanic and popular and has a new york accent. Josh- hated me until spirit week until he found out I was on his spirit week team. 2 years younger.
School Friends Strawberry- I try not to sit next to her too. She smells. Ani- I sit next to her at lunch. Me and her drink milk boxes with uber cool straws. Melissa- She talks bad about everyone when there not listening and she hits things when she laughs. I classify the thing she usually hits. Sara (AKA ringo)- She follows us all around and tries to force friendship on all of the above, and I don't have the heart to tell her I don't enjoy her company. Flute- plays the flute, a little bit of a nerd. She’s brilliant too. Shelly- My one and only lacrosse friend. She also is in all my classes. She's so sweet and brought us cupcakes on her birthday which I didn't know about. I spent like 3 days strait after her birthday telling her I was sorry. Silver- a creative genius. Kim- in my advisory. We play apples to apples a lot. Moo- We go way back, into times where we weren’t really friends… my texting buddy.
Ani's Family Lizzie- her biological sister, same age as Rachel. She’s the mega popular at her school, Kurutzi. Aunt Nicki- Ani's aunt who she lives with. She's so sweet, and should be a therapist because something about her makes me want to tell her my problems. Uncle Bob- The spouse of Aunt Niki. He yells a lot, but when he isn’t mad, he's actually pretty nice. Rachel- Ani's cousin. She's taller than me, and she's really girly. She's 2 years younger than me like Alex. She calls me Natalia. Robert- Ani's cousin who is 1 grade older than us. He's a nerd. He bowls competitively. Sarah- She's Rachel’s and Roberts cousin. Uncle bob's brothers child. 1 year younger than me. She has scoliosis, and wears a brace. Don't punch her or you'll feel eternal pain in your knuckles. She starts a lot of drama with Lizzie and Rachel, but not purposely. She goes to Kurutzi too.
Other School People BP-an ex lover of mine. Super popular, yet in 6ht grade he liked me… Basil- Strawberry’s “lover” or hater…
Youth group Brent- the adult guy who works at the church. I think he has twisted views of a Christian, but I guess if I were a good Christian myself I wouldn’t judge. Juli- Brent's wife. She makes really good food. Taylor- A year younger than me, yet she's like brilliant and has awesome social skills. Which is saying something because she is home schooled. Sergio- A really hot guy that’s 2 years younger than me, and has a mustache. He once had an undying love for Alex. He got over it. Plottsi- Yes, he's a real boy, unlike Pinocchio. A year younger than me. He’s olive toned and innocent. Nathan- I thought his name was chip for like 6 months, but it isn’t. He's tall and Asian. And he isn’t in the junior high youth group, he's in senior high. I wouldn’t see him at all if his mom didn’t work at the church. Nickolas- Nathans brother The creepy twins- there creepy and twins. What's more to say? Christine- everything she wears is from hot topic except the thick eyeliner on her eyes. Julia- She has thick dark hair and blunt bangs. She's so shy but I broke into her, and we're friends now. Tim- He's tan and narrow, plays a lot of basketball and doesn't like me. Really. He like avoids me at all costs. Even if it means not answering my direct questions. Ani, Melissa, Rachel, Lizzie, Sarah- see above
Camp Bus 21- Phil- boats age. His name is actually tyler, but we all call him Phil. Reece- has a big head and loves Taylor Swift. Morgan- Reece’s brother, she’s sweet as long as your nice to her. She will literally hurt you if you aren’t. Gabbriel- Morgan’s age (I don’t know how old they are) she’s a tomboy who wears her hat backwards and is in a love hate relationship with Morgan Blondie- a blond guy who hates me because I screwed up, big time. He can’t find it in that black heart of his to forgive. He gets in trouble a lot. Probably because he flippes random people off and teached little kids the F word. Luke- an autistic 9 year old who learned the F word from blondie. He likes gimp and Indiana Jones. Jordan- Blondies right hand man who has gorgeous curly hair and smilles at me because he knows it kills me. He’s still nicer than blondie. Once he closed lukes window when it was raining when Luke couldn’t get it up. It killed me more. Lolo, Alex Boat- see above
Camp Clique- Jaws- 5’4 inches of probably pot smoking mad man. No joke. Mira- the opposite of jaws, cool calm collected and rejected by the pot smoking community. Kara- She’s the funny one who I was never friends with until last year. Lolo - see above
Other Camp Friends Maxine- really tall, really popular. So many boyfriends. Finola- And you think Maxine has a lot of boyfriends. She isn’t a virgin. Other Camp PeopleRachel- Not really a friend, but still there. She hates her grandma. Carrot- short tan, and probably gay. Savvy- Carrots twin, and heftily built. Meanie Moose- he broke the antlers Alex made for him. No lie. Very mean. Kevin- lives next door to moo, and IM’s me sometimes. He’s a really nerdy player, but still a player/ Julian- Used Rachel to get to me. He told me he liked me, even though I’ve never said two words to him. Pom-pom- I’m a user… but she never found out… Moo- see above

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A Breath of Fresh Air

Sunday, June 28, 2009

My innocence ran away, and climbed onto the highest branch on the tallest tree

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