When love goes bad and the messagae goes flat. When people think your simply perfect. When you find out it's another lie.

I had fun at the retreat, surprisingly. I thought I would be miserable since I'm not a good little church girl, or someone who likes to sit in trees. The first night was kinda weird, cuz nothing happened. Brent, the youth pastor, went over the "10 commandments" of the retreat. One was no guys and girls alone, in which he made a connection with the game of life, we didn't want a the pink pawn and blue pawn in the front seat of the car to have a little purple pawn in the back seat. No purpling was the joke of the weekend.

The bunking arrangements: We stayed in this big house, with a huge front room with a high ceiling. Off to the side there was a staircase which led to 8 rooms with 2 bunk beds in each one. Downstairs was a little hallway that with 8 guys rooms. I was in the first room on the left with Ani, Melissa and Ashleigh the counselor who seemed sweet, but was a setback 'cause I didn't give my pills to Brent. Yeah, I snuck them in. And It says in the ten commandments not to do drugs. I'm totally bad ass. But seriously those pills knock me out and I don't want to be dead at nine O'clock. Anyway, I snuck my pills when Ashleigh wasn't looking. I woke up the next morning to the loudest boom I've ever heard in my life, which happened to be Rachel "falling" off the top bunk. You bet she got in trouble when she woke up all the guys below us.

After breakfast went into small groups, Ashleigh was also my small group leader person. Some how we got off topic from the subject "how to find who you are" into how to get into heaven or hell. Guess how she answered? She said the only way to get into heaven was to believe that Jesus is the savior. No madder how you live your life, as long as you believe you will get into heaven. If you don't believe than guess what? Hell for you! That sure sounds Jilly jolly! This pissed me off so much, I actually back talked her. She's saying that if your an axe murder, but if you believe in Jesus, that you'll go to heaven because you have faith. But not if your Jewish, and you donate money and you volunteer and you've never swatted a fly. It was total fucking bull, and surprise surprise, since I have the right to my own opinions she didn't like me either.

Later was free time, and me and Taylor and Julia spent our time taking action pictures of us jumping, and ice skating on the frozen pond. I was glad someone shares my passion of taking action shots, because I was starting to feel a little bit alone. Luckily for me they loved it more that I do, and we got plenty pictures.

After that We went horseback riding with Sergio since he signed up for horseback riding with us instead of with his friends (who are also hot 6th graders. I like Presbyterian boys) I think he likes Melissa. And that Melissa likes him back. How do I know? Because there arms where like totally wrapped around each other. Me and Ani snickered and decided to be immature and yell at the top of our lungs "NO PURPLING!" and sing 'bout them kissing in a tree. I would have said get a room but a counselor, Julie (don't confuse her with Julia-Julie is Brent's wife. She's Asian.) was there. But still It was adorable, even though I wish I claimed Sergio first. He truly is gorgeous. Whatevs though. I still have Chip- a tall half Korean half white guy with eyes that are so big I could get lost in them. I have been in like with him since the first youth group I went to. I don't think I've blogged about him yet-that's why I'm saying something now.

By the way-horseback riding was not something I want to do again unless I want to walk with a permanent limp, which I most likely won't ever want to do. It's really uncomfortable.

Than after the horses we played Taboo- well I was playing with half the 6th graders and Ani until Ashleigh came. She still was annoying me. I wanted to like her- I really did but I couldn't. So I just went upstairs and took a nap without sleeping. Soon Melissa came in too and we started to talk, like a serious conversation about the differences in our believes and such. It was like a real, deep meaningful conversation and that doesn't happen to often.

After dinner we played a game. Brent explained to us how Christians die for there beliefs, so we had to go across the camp grounds on a scavenger hunt. In the shadows would be people who want to kill you. You have to lie to the people to make them let you pass. You needed to get past all the guards to win.

Our second clue led us to the shooting range where a couple of the bad guys jumped out at us. We tried to tell them we were all related, when they didn't buy it. Melissa called them racist, which was absolutely brilliant of her because they sent us back to start. It was a long way back to the mess hall, and I started to fire off insults at the the wanna-be popo which got Ashleigh mad. She shushed me. I told her we could take them on if we all worked together. She stated plainly that we couldn't attack them. Some people aren't any fun.

When we went back we saw chips group talking to the people convincing the bad guys that they were only innocent Christians looking for the campfire. And they let that group through. This gave us our pass also- we were innocent Christians looking for a meeting place. The logic behind this is that the people who would want to kill us would follow us to the Christians meeting place, and kill us there with the rest of our kind. This was a totally sick game of make believe.

So we got through (surprisingly) and we headed to the tent. What's that I feel? A hand on my shoulder? Is that a shriek that came from my very own mouth? Is that chip laughing? Chip touched me? I was on top of the world.

We eventually beat the game. I was the crackpot in the scenarios, I blurted out random things like "HE COMES FROM THE WORLD ABOVE!" or "KICKING PUPPIES IS A SIN!" in an accent that doesn't exist because everyone else was busy convincing the evil police guys to let us through and I was bored.

The car ride home today was long and exhausting, and I'm tired and want to do nothing but think about Chip and his big brown eyes. But seriously, that would make me desperate. So I will not. Instead I will pray that I do not become one of them. That I will not judge people by there religion or there sexuality, but for what is inside. I will also pray that I am never one of them. A good little church girl that isn't brave enough to hold her own beliefs.