A past scar opened up, reminding me of you.

I have always known there was a complex side of me, that not even I understand.

I normally know in the back of my mind when I like someone, I just keep denying it and denying it till it comes back and slaps me in the face.

For a wile I didn't realize how much power other people had over me. How bad they could make you hurt with a glance, or a single word. How they can shift you into a state of depression with a 3 minute long conversation.

Today's Trip- Roller Skating
Today all kinds of shiz came out from under a rock.
My day started on a good note, playing A-hole with John and his friend Matt and the rest of the Krew. I was pretty good at Ahole, and was like constantly vise prez. Than we got to the skating rink, that's when the crap happened.
Me Kara and Jaws had ordered some food, and we were waiting at this random table thing in the middle of the floor when this guy walks by... http://nerdfed.blogspot.com/2008/08/i-have-personality-of-rock-and-im-spazz.html That guy. Angles. Well last Friday he walked by and I mumbled "so hot" and Kara was like "him? I'm gonna tell him you said that!" and I was like "no, not him" cause I knew she would.
Today I couldn't stop myself from starring at him as he walked by, and when he was out of earshot I had to whisper hot again. Kara heard me, and she was like "I knew it!" I explained to them how I fell in love that one day long ago in ceramics class. A year and two days today. Somehow her and Jaws convinced me to talk to him next time I saw him, and they made me look forward to it. I explained to them how I didn't exactly have a crush on him, I just liked what I saw so far. So what if Pompom had been constantly talking about how much she liked him for the past week? They convinced me it was okay. Today was her last day and she would forget about him in a few days. I still felt a gut wrenching feeling that this wouldn't work.

Later, much later, when me and Kara were so bored that we were making a list of potential boyfriends for her, she brought up Angles somehow, and she said if I didn't talk to him she would for me. That kinda made me get up, and trust me when I say I was heading in his direction, when something caught my eyes, who's that? John? And who's that girl his arms are tightly wrapped around? I suddenly froze from that all to familiar jealous feeling. I don't like john though, do I? (as I found out later from pompom, they didn't start going out till right after the trip was over) The girl sent me and Kara the look from over his shoulder, or maybe it was my imagination, but I don't think It was because Kara was like, "whoa, that chick doesn't seem to like us much. Why didn't john tell us he had a girlfriend? He so thinks we like him... we should clear that up"
"Uh... yeah."
Than to make matters worse, Pompom rushes up to me with a big grin and says in a soft excited voice "He likes me! He likes me back!" "Who? Angles?" "Yeah! Can you believe it?" "No! I'm so happy for you!"
My voice shook and my face already hurt from fake smiling. Kara's eyes kinda shifted "uh... well today's her last day. What are they gonna do go out when they don't have 3 hours left?" But my brave mood was already gone and replaced with the worst mixed feeling of jealousy and heartbroken- it was a minimal bit of both emotions but still, it was like he was rejecting me... and I don't even think he knows my name.

To make my shitty feeling worse, was the bus ride.
Crazy asked me if I had a boyfriend, and I said yeah, just to save himself from the heartache. I could tell he kinda admired me, and I didn't want to have to break a heart. So yeah, Blondie heard me when I told him that, and he was like
"Really? who?"
I slightly shook my head as if to say no I'm not, but go along.
Than Lolo, was like, "She's going out with a cucumber!"
Than Resses pieces was like "Ooooh whats her name? What kind of sexy vegetable would go out with someone as ugly as you?" (okay, so maybe he didn't say the sexy part, but he said the rest!) Crazy seemed to ignore them, and said very sincerely "Nat, What do you do when you go out with someone?"
"Um... you know, you go out. You do stuff."
Than Jordan pipes up "Yeah, you go out every Monday wends day and Friday."
"Natalie, is that true? What he said?"
"Yeah, whatever he says."
"Whatever he says? Whatever Jordan says? Jeez Nat." Lolo just had to add.
Crazy than changed the focus off me "Blondie? Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No." No! Really? I wonder why.
The focus was off me, so I just zoned out the rest of the ride home. I think I like crazy. He's pretty funny.

Today I went to Youth group with Maggie, it was really just what I needed to try and forget about what happened today.